When I was single, I really struggled with the sound of silence. I would often fill the quiet with TV or music -- anything, really.
Every now and then I have days where everything feels fuzzy and uncertain. It is almost as if I am living in a dream. But this dream is not one full of warmth and comfort, certainty and passion—it is a dream where all ease has passed away; I am left on the brink of uncertainty, … Continue reading When Life Doesn’t Work Out Like You Planned
Every task can be sacred. That's what I'm trying to learn.
Like most people in this world, I am terrified of failure. I fear failing the God I follow, the people I love and within the positions I fill.
I am good. I am not. I am nothing without fault. But I'm pure. No, I'm false. I am empty of all that's ought. See, I'm striving. I am grasping. But I'm still short of what's lasting. Yet I'm working. I am yearning. I am all fails, never earning. I am death. I am weary. … Continue reading The Tyranny of My Own Goodness
One morning after waking up AGAIN with that feeling of discontentment and anxiety, I decided to sit down and remind myself of some always-true truths.
For a long time, my romantic ideals were a bit, how do you say, UNREALISTIC. But there are a few truly deep, meaningful characteristics that I've realized matter most when you're thinking about marrying someone.
It's not that you're cruel or ill-intentioned. But I swear to you the minute these words or verse pop out of your mouth, I WILL RUN FROM YOU.
As a woman, I have been taught to be envious of beauty. I have learned to undermine the beauty I see in other girls.
I want to not be scared, nor anxious, as I lean into You. But some days the haze is so powerfully persuasive, and I am so easily persuaded.
Oh, marriage. It is glorious. And it is difficult. And it is downright interesting at times. I've only enjoyed the throes of wedded bliss for about 2 1/2 years, but here are a few of the most surprising, ridiculous and humbling realizations that have come out of those years. Feel free to comment and share … Continue reading 7 Surprising And Ridiculous Revelations From Marriage
Oh sweet submission, tis my delight.
To turn myself over, whatever the fight.
To yield and defer to Who loves me the most.
And surrender my soul, my life, my voice.
My whole life, I struggled with feelings of worthlessness and unattractiveness. It took years to set me free.
It’s a well-documented fact. OK. Maybe that’s not true. I don’t have studies lined up here. But what I do have is a few decades of experience that tell me this is, in fact, the case. Everyone needs at least one friend who can listen to them and respond with, “Life really sucks sometimes.” This … Continue reading We All Need A Friend To Tell Us Life Sucks Sometimes
I am not you. GOODNESS, I am not you. And I am sick to death of the Christian culture that assumes I should be more like you.
"O God, early in the morning I cry to You. Help me to pray and gather my thoughts to You, I cannot do it alone."
I wish I could say it’s because I’m so dedicated to fitness. But really, it was an act of desperation.
I wish that his entrance into my life would have immediately resolved all my issues. That our marriage would evaporate all my insecurities and fears.
Don’t equate your husband’s love with him being able to read your mind.
And now for something completely different. My regularly-scheduled, more serious posts will return next week.
I am convinced that marriage is like buying a beautiful old house.
I was like a see-saw for a good part of my life as a Christian woman. It would only take a small amount of force to swing my emotions up and down, with my actions following after.
I wrestle with feeling like a giant failure. Like I've fallen short and have not been a "good enough" friend, wife and Christian.
It’s embarrassing how easily I get jealous. And I’m not talking about the type of jealousy that revolves around my husband.
I have 5 specific books that have deeply influenced my heart, mind and walk with God. I think they could change your life.
On my daily commute to work, I listened to a podcast called, "What's It Like To Be Married To Me?" And the wheels started turning.
Lord, I know you can do all things. I just don’t know if You will do this thing.
In about a week, my husband and I will notch our second anniversary. Here are five of the biggest things that I learned during our newlywed years.
When someone caught my interest at 28, I found I did not have a grasp on what love really was.
However it shows up, the way it lies to me is always the same. Yet it's so easy to believe its lies. Even when they've been disproven time and time again.
I've got a confession to make: My husband and I speak a different language. At least, some days it seems like that.
When someone says, "I love you," to me, I expect the words to be supported by more than words. Love shows up every day in countless ways through unconditional, selfless, and kind actions--as well as a myriad of other attitudes described in 1 Corinthians 13. Were a person to say he or she loved me … Continue reading The Proof of Love
Growing up, friends seemed to pop up like daisies, showing up in my life with little or no help from me. Then I became an adult.
“'But please, please - won't you - can't you give me something that will cure Mother?' Up till then he had been looking at the Lion's great feet and the huge claws on them; now, in his despair, he looked up at its face. What he saw surprised him as much as anything in his … Continue reading The Best Stories Tell The Truth
We all feel like failures sometimes. Like we don't know what we're doing or how to do it well. Like we're letting people down or screwing up everything we do. Like we're just not "good enough." Well, frankly, nobody is "good enough." And nobody is as perfect as he or she may seem from the … Continue reading You Aren’t Alone In Your Failure
The beauty is undeniable.
Heartbreakingly, awe-strikingly undeniable.
But the pain is still there.
It's a dance I've done a million times, both as a leader and a follower. But I'm tired of this waltz. And frankly, I won't do it anymore.
Think of these tips as providing a breath of relief and a glimpse of hope when life gets hard.
The truth is, sometimes you know in your mind God is good, but your heart struggles to understand how He could love you and allow the pain.
If I could give one piece of relationship advice, it would be to be honest. But honesty is not simply saying whatever pops into your head. What it really entails is admitting what’s behind surface emotions, and reactions of anger and irritation. It means digging into the hurts and pain within the heart. It means … Continue reading Honesty Is My Only Policy
Passions are liken'd best to floods and streams: The shallow murmur, but the deep are dumb; So, when affection yields discourse, it seems The bottom is but shallow whence they come. They that are rich in words, in words discover That they are poor in that which makes a lover. -Sir Walter Raleigh I stumbled … Continue reading I Want To Be Dumb In 2018
"You seem perfect," said someone to me recently, "Like you've really got it all together." Cue shock and amazement that my lil' old self can EVER come off that way, even for a short period of time. In fact, 50% of the time I feel like a gigantic mess of a human being. It used … Continue reading When You Know You’re A Mess (And It’s OK)
When someone says, "I love you," we expect the words to be supported by action. Love is unconditional, selfless, kind and a myriad of other things described in 1 Corinthians 13. Were this person to say those words and then act in such a way that harms, disregards or hurts the object of love, we … Continue reading Remembering How To Love
Beauty cries out to me. She beckons my attention in a noisy and crowded world where I too quickly grow numb, distracted, detached. I blame it on my eyes; they spoil me. For their powerful function allows me to look and look and look--without requiring me to see or notice or appreciate. This is my quest. To notice. … Continue reading The Stubborn Strength of Beauty
This morning, I woke up depressed. Before I had even opened my eyes, I felt crushed by disappointments, exhaustion and the general weight of daily responsibilities. These are the moments where I choose. I choose to lean in and deal with whatever is going on inside of my heart and mind. Or I choose to … Continue reading When I Want Run
Do you see my idols? I do not worship the pagan gods of old with their gold overlays and silver adornments. Nothing so ridiculous as that. Instead, my idols come neatly-wrapped in culturally-appropriate packages. Hard to recognize, yet insidious all the same. Emotions, Productivity and Validation boast well-used altars which have been dismantled and rebuilt, … Continue reading In the Shadow of My Idols
Truthfully, I simply don't know where the line is between enjoying the comforts God has given me with a grateful heart, and living a numbed, comfort-driven life.
My heart awakens to every new day like a dormant coal. Its blackened, hard nature needs much assistance to fan into flame and renew a pursuit of the Lord.
“Lord, show me the plank in my eye.” That was me not too long ago, praying in my kitchen out of desperation.
Almost right up until to our wedding day, I struggled with anxiety about the future. I never reached a moment of perfect, unending certainty that my husband was the person I was meant to marry.