Unshaken Joy (And How To Get There)

Dear people who try to encourage me about singleness,

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You mean well. I know it in my soul. But in my less than holier parts, I am mostly just screaming, “Whyyyyy?” Or “Stahhhhp!” It alternates really.

So here are some things you should never say to an unattached loved one.  Because he/she is likely thinking or feeling some variation of my crazy, sarcastic and irritated inward responses shown below.

1. “Oh it happens when you least expect it.”

2. “Oh, I felt the same way before I met my spouse. Don’t worry! You’ll meet someone.”

3. “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.”

4.   “You’d be such a great girlfriend, spouse, parent, etc.”

5. “God is using this time to perfect you.”

6. “Marriage is hard.”
This falls into the category of many “not-helpful-because-I-can-never-fully-understand-that-concept-outside-of-it” concepts.
 And frankly, I think godly singleness is far harder than married people often understand. Yes, I have more free time and can be more selfish. But there are also a lot of places I can’t go, and there are even more extremely strict boundaries I have to maintain. THERE IS NO OUTLET for the godly single person; ruminate on that tidbit. In some ways, yes, it is easier. But I am certain there are some ways it’s harder than we single people get credit for.

SUMMARY: It may seem incomprehensible, but singleness does not need the cure of a spouse or trite answers or empty encouragements. Single people simply need to live in the truth that all of us need to live in: Life is not about us. It is about glorifying God — whatever circumstances you or I may inhabit — and recognizing that He is Lord and knows what is best.
So FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD,  can you become my hero and stop saying things like this? Yes? Yes.
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