So now that I am at the extremely OLD AGE of nearly 28, you’re still not here. In all seriousness, sir, if my parents had told me how long I’d be wearing this purity ring (and all because of your ridiculous TARRYING), I probably would have shrunk back from it in PURE FEAR. So yeah. Your mere existence seems pretty tenuous these days.
But that tenuousness isn’t just because of the fact that I seem to emit an unintentional “STAY AWAY FROM ME FOREVER” vibe to every normal and decent man within a 150-mile radius. Among the reasons I’ve started to doubt your existence? Well, frankly, the idea of being with anyone FOREVER gives me a panic attack. Maybe it’s an introvert thing?
And yes, that includes even YOU, Mr. Right, also known as Mr. “I’ll make you love me with my stupid kindness and general amazingness.” Seriously, just the THOUGHT of embarking on a relationship EXHAUSTS me. And though I used to spend hours WRITING LETTERS to you (and not funny blog letters. These were POEMS and LOVE LETTERS penned to my future husband that make me screech with laughter and quake with embarrassment in the present day), I have become quite comfortable in this single life. In my grown-up alone time (aka SINGLENESS), I’ve evaluated my 13-year-old “make me shoot rainbows from my eyes” standards. I have come to realize the truth, which has been discovered on a deeper level even as I write what I am now realizing is, more or less, ANOTHER letter to my future husband (OH DEAR GOD, WHAT HAVE I DONE?!?).
The truth? You don’t exist. See, no man exists who will fulfill my EVERY EMOTIONAL NEED or make my knees weak every time I see him (which, quite frankly, is a good thing. It would be INCREDIBLY irritating to constantly have Jello-like knees). Sure, there may be a man who could check off some of those standards my younger and more naive self dreamt up. But is that what I want? Or maybe the better question: Is that what I SHOULD want?
After “falling in love” a few times (or whatever THAT was), I’ve realized how few standards really matter. At the end of the day, everything depends on that SHOULD, even the most basic “I DON’T WANT TO BE REPULSED BY YOU” standard. So here it is, Mr. Right, the golden standard: Will you make me love and serve Christ better? (not-so-surprisingly, this disqualifies a lot of men that have made it through the “STAY AWAY FROM ME RADIUS” I referenced above.)
See, Mr. Right, guys are SO DANG DISTRACTING in my relationship with God. I am like Doug in the movie “Up.” MEN ARE MY SQUIRRELS. And I’m not willing to add a continual distraction to my life unless that continual distraction is redirecting me toward the One who deserves my focus and can actually fulfill my needs. Otherwise, in the words of a wise woman, “AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT.”
So Mr. Right, that’s what I SHOULD have on my list of standards. And now that I’ve grown slightly wiser, that IS what I have on my list. Everything is negotiable except your serious and committed love for Christ. I am oh-so-aware that may eliminate me from the dating game forever, destining me to FOREVER ALONE TIMES AND SINGLENESS TO THE END OF ALL DAYS.
But that doesn’t spell DOOM for me like it would have for my 13-year-old or even my 20-year-old and 25-year-old self. What would spell DOOM in my heart would be to force someone into the Mr. Right role and disregard the SHOULD standard. That’s a DOOM I can and will avoid.
And DANG IT, I’ll be happy, with or without you, Mr. Right.
It should be noted that the author (ie, myself) IN NO WAY wants comments of the nature, “Your time will come,” or “I know the right man is out there for you,” or “I can’t wait to meet the man who fulfills all your standards.” I SWEAR ON ALL THAT IS GOOD IN THIS WORLD if you write something like that, I will scream so loudly that I will SHAKE THE WORLD off its axis. RESIST THE URGE.