Unshaken Joy (And How To Get There)

Dear God,

Advertisements

I’m going to be honest (SHOCKING, I know). Life with you has not turned out how I planned. In just about any category. I mean, I had PLANS. Awesome PLANS that you WRECKED. That’s right. You’ve WRECKED them all. And they were pretty darn good, if you ask me.


INSERT SIDE NOTE: If any of you readers are thinking that TERRIBLE phrase, “If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans,” you should STOP IT. I wholeheartedly and unabashedly DESPISE that saying because it makes God sound like a maniacal squasher of anything we love and enjoy. I see what you’re trying to say, but NO. END SIDE NOTE.


So. Where was I? Oh yes. You have WRECKED my plans. And that’s just FRUSTRATING. In fact, I’ve been annoyed about some of those wrecks for years. Don’t get me wrong. I KNOW that You are God, and I am not. I KNOW that You owe me nothing and yet have given me so many wonderful things (including, ummm, what was that one thing? Ahhh yes, SALVATION). But I admit this process of DREAM DESTRUCTION has oft left me feeling irked and confused.


Then this last year happened.


Don’t misunderstand me here, God. Still total WRECKAGE and DESTRUCTION. Everything that happened was WAY outside of THE PLAN. I did my best to be obedient and thankful as my life seemingly FELL APART. I’ll admit, though, that I was fumbling around in confusion. Nothing–absolutely nothing–was what I wanted or had planned for.


So how on EARTH did it all turn out EVEN BETTER than what I wanted? There’s something mildly infuriating (and yet AWE-INSPIRINGLY wonderful) about that.


There was so much waiting, uncertainty and throwing up of my hands over the last few years–and really, since I’ve left college (BLARGH, post-college life, BLARGH). Somewhere along the way, though, as THE PLAN slipped from my grasp, I began to be surprisingly OK with that.


Now at 28, I’ve decided that I HAVE NO FRIGGEN’ CLUE what is best for me. Plan-wise, that is. I know eating ice cream and chocolate FOR ALL TIMES isn’t the best. But when I look at the things in my life that were and are SO GOOD and SO GREAT and SO PERFECT, I frequently discover that I had no hand in them.


Oh sure, I was living in obedience (not PERFECT obedience, of course, because I’m a human. But generally following God, yes). But the doors that opened to me, well, they were unexpected, unrequested and definitely not part of THE PLAN. And these spaces–these unexpected twists and turns of my life–have led to things GREATER and BIGGER and FAR MORE WONDERFUL than I ever imagined for myself.


That’s not to say, of course, that all doubts of my future are erased and I have ARRIVED with my faith. Yeah, NO. I will someday again be upset at plans that are WRECKED or DESTROYED. But then I’ll remind myself that I’ve never known what’s best. I’ll let the truth sink in that the things I so desperately want and cling to are very likely less than what is best for me. And I’ll add to that the knowledge that this life isn’t all about me and THE PLAN. Thankfully, it never has been. And it never will be.


So thank you, God, for WRECKAGE and DESTRUCTION of THE PLAN. Because in that, You pushed me into areas I wouldn’t have dreamed of putting into my plans, and with people I never would have expected to meet.


At the end of the day now, I’ll lay down THE PLAN (or whatever remains of it). I’ll submit THE PLAN. I’ll surrender THE PLAN. I’ll accept that You are bigger than THE PLAN and know that when it changes into something unexpected, it’s for my own good.


Then I will be sure to look around and take stock of all these dear people and things I couldn’t even think to ask You for to quell any complaints welling up inside of me.


So bring it on, God. I’ll take any WRECKAGE you throw my way. Even poop can become great fertilizer for a beautiful and precious flower.


*Photo credit to L.E. Bauer

Advertisements

Advertisements