I wish the Christian life came with step-by-step instructions. Because I struggle.
As an American, I’ve been given many material blessings. I do not want to despise these gifts, casting them off in some sort of rudimentary act of penance. Truly, I believe godly stewardship of our lives and gifts and time is the answer.
Yet what does that look like? The phrase alone conjures up a deep sense of weariness and an unending to-do list. Are we never to watch TV, read books and do enjoyable or entertaining things? For in my mind, godly stewardship too often translates as only acts of service; anything I do for my home or my well-being is less-than worthy.
Truthfully, I simply don’t know where the line is between enjoying the comforts God has given me with a grateful heart, and living a numbed, comfort-driven life. And I simply don’t know how to rest in the finished work of God and yet still work out my salvation with fear and trembling.
So many of my days end with me feeling like I haven’t done enough. But enough for what? To earn God’s love? I already have it as His daughter.
Still, somehow, I believe I am a disappointment unless I do all the right things, accomplish all the right tasks and never waste a moment on anything but sacrificial action.
What I want more than anything is to live in freedom at a deep heart level. To know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am accepted and loved, and to live a holy life out of that knowledge without fear.
But I cannot learn that freedom on my own. It is something the Lord must accomplish in my life.
I need His touch to heal the wound within me that manifests as an accusation that I must earn my salvation and my Father’s love. I need His revelation to help me fully accept the love and justification that is found in the finished work of Jesus Christ’s life, death and resurrection. I need the wisdom to understand that He is pleased with me even if all I do is live every day of my “regular” American life in full submission to Him.
I need Him. Oh, how I need Him. May He teach me how to live as Christ did each moment of every day, for the rest of my life.