marriage-and-communication

The Truth No One Tells You About Marriage

I’ve got a confession to make: My husband and I speak a different language.

At least, some days it seems like that.

I swear, we can have a conversation and both walk away being sure we’re on the same page.

Spoiler alert: We’re not.

Maybe it’s a male-female thing. Maybe it’s a relationship thing. Maybe it’s a my-life-experiences-lead-to-me-interpreting-things-differently-than-his-life-experiences thing.

Whatever the reason, it can be exasperating.

Because the truth about marriage is you spend 80% of your time communicating with each other. And the other 20% learning how to communicate with each other.

This means asking questions that may seem silly, like, “What I just heard you say is [insert information here]. Is that correct?”

It’s called ACTIVE LISTENING. It prevents ACTIVE FRUSTRATION and ACTIVE WANTING TO SCREAM INTO A PILLOW. [insert smile here]

If you’re an intuitive person, this may also mean asking for clarification about things that have NEVER EVEN BEEN SAID.

And oh, what a joy that is. I tend to be the queen of reading into hidden meanings that are not actually hidden at all because THEY DON’T ACTUALLY EXIST.

All I know is that my husband gets the question, “Are you [insert feeling here]?” seemingly millions of times a week. He also enjoys receiving the question, “Did you mean this when you said that?” billions of times a week.

Yet even with the joys of active listening and NEARLY CONSTANT CLARIFICATION, there are still days where nothing seems to be getting through. You’re just speaking past each other. WILL NOT COMPUTE.

Sometimes humor can help on days like this. David and I like to pretend we’re an old, slightly-deaf couple by yelling, “What?” at each other with each misunderstanding.

Other times simply bringing up the fact that we are SEEMINGLY INCAPABLE of having a simple conversation can alleviate the tension.

Because truthfully, my husband and I do speak a different language. We’ll continue to learn each other’s native tongues as time goes by, but it will never be my or his first language.

And that’s OK. I don’t want to be married to someone who acts and thinks and speaks exactly like me. THAT SOUNDS TERRIFYING.

The differences keep marriage interesting. Very, very interesting some days.

 

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