Hello there, friend,
On my daily commute to work, I just so happened to listen to an interesting podcast called, “What’s It Like To Be Married To Me?” It aired on Java With Juli (find it here), which is a fantastic podcast that discusses a ton of issues around sexuality and relationships from a biblical perspective.
Anyways, the podcast was themed around a book of the same title that dug into how often we as women create goals for fitness, goals as a mom, goals as a friend, spiritual goals — even goals for our marriage. And yet few of us create goals for who we want to be as a wife.
And they were spot on! At least, in my life they were.
The ironic thing is that I know I have limited control over my marriage. We all do!
Because we can’t control whether or not our husbands pursue relationship goals with us. Yes, we can encourage them. Yes, we can confront them about sin issues, even enacting tough love in appropriate situations.
But at the end of it all, we can’t control our husbands’ behavior. And even if you’ve got a great husband (and yes, I think I’ve got a wonderful man committed to growth), there are still unfulfilled goals at times.
The great news is that the goals of a good wife are under her control to fulfill and complete. She can be kind even if he is not. She can be loving even if he is harsh. (Again, tough love action may be appropriate in these situations! Love doesn’t mean you’re a doormat.)
That being said, I spent the rest of my commute thinking about who I really want to be as a wife. And as I thought about it, I realized many of these goals go deeper than just my relationship with my husband. They apply to friendships, family relationships, and even one-time interactions with strangers!
I encourage you to take time to think about your goals a friend, wife, daughter, etc. You may be surprised by the words that come to mind. I know I was!
If you want some ideas, check out my goals below. ⬇
I want to be strong.
I want to be able to enjoy things independently from my husband. And I want him to be able to do the same. Life together is wonderful, but it’s important for us to have space to pursue the hobbies and passions God has given us. I want to be secure enough to allow David and myself to explore these.
I want to be safe.
The world is a chaotic and harsh place. My husband gets criticized daily, particularly because of his customer-service job. I want to be a safe haven where he knows he will find kindness. I want to be safe enough that my husband can share his struggles, sins, fears and failures–as well as his dreams, joys and triumphs. This song captures the feeling well. I want to be an oasis and the eye of a hurricane.
I want to be gracious.
Love, 1 Corinthians 13:7 says, believes the best. That is who I want to be as a wife. When situations come up that could easily lead to negative snap judgments, I instead want to give David the benefit of the doubt. I want to always desire and pursue what is best for him. And I want to be quick to apologize and quick to forgive.
I want to be a breath of strength and a builder of confidence.
It’s all-too-easy to focus on the negatives of your marriage and husband–even when there are so many good things to see. Instead, I want to to call out that which is good in my husband. I want to recognize, encourage and praise him for what he does as a provider, protector and godly man–even if it’s something as small as taking out the trash, checking the balance of our bank account or washing my dirty bowl in the morning.
I want to be honest.
No more hiding. No more withdrawing. I want to lean into vulnerability in my relationship, learning how to be honest about my needs, desires and dreams, as well as my fears, failures and struggles. My husband needs to be able to trust that what I say to him is true. There are no hints. There is no hidden agenda.
I want to be fun.
Life can get so serious. I want to be a woman that brightens it up by going on adventures with David, whether big and small. I want to step outside of my comfort zone and try something new. Most of all, I desire to be quick to laugh, joke and smile. Relationships lose their joy when it’s all business and hard work.
I want to be content.
For the sake of my sanity, I will pursue contentment by never comparing David, our life, or our marriage with others. I will not measure anything by a standard outside of the Bible. Instead, I will celebrate who were are and what God is doing in our lives.