christian-marriage-communication

My Husband Can’t Read My Mind

Don’t equate your husband’s love with him being able to read your mind.

That’s the best advice I would give as a still-mostly-newlywed.

I got married about two years ago at the age of 29. I had plenty of years of singleness to clean fairy tales and happily-ever-after delusions out of my mind.

I knew love didn’t look the way it does on-screen and in books. I knew that no guy existed who could anticipate all of my needs, always say “just the right thing,” and pick up on any hint I ever dropped.

Theoretically, at least, I knew this. I “theoretically” knew my then-boyfriend and now-husband couldn’t read my mind.

Emotionally? Well, not so much.

I think it’s part of being a woman. Women seem to be uniquely oriented to anticipate the needs of the people around them.

Honestly, I think we TRY to read each other’s minds. And often, we can do so successfully!

So there’s something inside of us that naturally expects the person who loves us most in the world to operate the same way.

But that’s not how most guys are wired.

Sure, there will be times when the man in your life can anticipate your needs and respond to them.

I tend to think that’s the exception, though, and not the norm.

So do the man in your life a favor and tell him what you want.

Don’t hint. Don’t beat around the bush. Don’t hope he gets the clue or that he is paying close attention to something you said weeks ago.

Tell him:

“I’d like you to buy me flowers more often. Maybe once a month?”

“That restaurant looks interesting. Can we try it next week?”

“I’m feeling really overwhelmed by how dirty the house is. Would you help me clean it?”

I know it’s hard. Being so straightforward makes us feel vulnerable because it’s easier to be rejected that way.

Plus, there’s still that little voice in the back of your head saying that he SHOULD know what to do because he loves you, and that you shouldn’t have to ask.

But remind yourself that expectation is like expecting a Spanish speaker to respond to something you’ve said in English. It’s not fair.

And then also remind yourself that if you spend the rest of your life hoping he’ll pick up on your hints or read between the lines, you’re setting yourself up for a world of hurt, disappointment and resentment.

Remember, if you have a husband who WANTS to please you – even if you have to tell him specific ways how — that is a blessing. Not everyone has that.

So don’t equate the depth of his love with him reading your mind. That’s a myth conjured up from romance novels and chick flicks.

Join me in leaning into the real world of relationships with honest, clear communication.

It may not look as flowery, but it’s far more beautiful than what you see onscreen.

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