I am not you.
GOODNESS, I am not you. And I am sick to death of the Christian culture that assumes I should be more like you.
And you know what else, Christian nice girl? I am so VERY TIRED of feeling less-than when it comes to my walk with God because I don’t fit into this stereotype.
I hear it in the church. I read it in Christian literature. I see it in our women’s Bible studies.
At times I wonder if someone rolled up the ideas of Southern hospitality and the Proverbs 31 woman into this weird Christian woman model that I WILL NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS fit into.
But before I get too rant-like, please know that I DO think you are integral to the church. We need the sweet, calm and gentle spirits of Christian nice girls!
Because you counteract loud-mouths like myself. You offer a quiet and gentle touch that I, in all my awkwardness, am incapable of offering. You have a unique place in the body of Christ.
Then again, though, so do I.
My place just can’t BE YOURS because I am ME. And whether it’s conscious or subconscious, I’m bone-weary of receiving the message that I am somehow less than because I don’t fit this mold.
So I’m not going to do it anymore. I’m not going to play a part that I wasn’t created for. I refuse to try to be anyone other than who God created me to be.
Sure, I know my personality isn’t PERFECTION SQUARED. Just like yours, it has weaknesses. I won’t hide from correction or be unaware of the areas I need to improve through God’s strength.
But can we be real with each other and stop trying to change personality traits (not sinful practices) so we all look the same?
Can we recognize that if the SOVEREIGN GOD OF THE UNIVERSE wanted me to be less passionate, quieter or more like the stereotype so often presented in Christian culture, then HE WOULD HAVE MADE ME SO?
After all, I think we as Christian women can agree that we need this freedom to be who God made us to be — desperately!
So you, Christian nice girl, embrace your Christian-nice-girl-ness that offers a yin to my yang.
And I’ll be me in all my glorious me-ness, which may or may not include:
- Sticking my foot in my mouth at times because honesty can get messy.
- Bursting into tears at the drop of a hat.
- Singing or humming 90 percent of the day.
- Laughing BOISTEROUSLY and EASILY while still fighting depression.
- Brimming internally (and externally, at times) with love and frustration.
- Thinking WAY too much about almost everything.
- Utilizing an intuition that is both frightening and awesome.
After years of feeling less than, being envious of you and hating the parts of my personality that fall outside of the ideal woman portrayed in Christian culture, I think it’s DANG WELL ABOUT time I allow myself to be who God created me to be.
And you know what, I bet it’s time for you that, too.