I tend to get lost in my mind a lot.
This can be a good thing sometimes.
It allows me to dream big and easily imagine different scenarios and outcomes.
It makes prayer easier. Since I’m already having a running conversation in my mind, it’s easy to have that conversation with God.
Getting lost in my thoughts also helps me analyze things well. I often see things about myself and situations, and I’m then able to address them proactively rather than reacting passively.
The Other Side of the Coin
But like any strength, the other side of the coin has its weaknesses.
I can get so lost in my thoughts — particularly the depressing, sprializing ones — that I feel trapped in a labyrinth for which I do not have a map.
I can also dream too vividly at times. So clearly and idealistically that, when the dreams are realized, they don’t quite measure up to what I thought up. (Probably because I’ve never mastered the ability to factor in the gritty reality of life, and people don’t follow the script in my mind!)
This facet in particular weighed on me tonight as I watched a chick flick. I rarely do that anymore because they’re so unrealistic and, frankly, can induce discontentment.
But it was one of those days I wanted something sappy with a guaranteed happy ending. So I indulged myself.
Where Thoughts & Truth Collide
Yet at the end of the movie, the lost-in-my-mind self ended up thinking about the fact that (Lord willing!) I won’t ever experience the infatuation of new love.
And while realistically, I would never want to trade what I have in my marriage for that not-so-true, chemically induced infatuation, it can be difficult for a part of me to accept that.
It’s that way with so many things! I know the truth, but there’s this part of me that doesn’t seem to get the memo.
For example, I know eating healthy is what I really want. But I also know I want cake.
We Want The Cheap Thrill
Isn’t it funny how our minds can be so divided?
We look at the things that take blood, sweat and tears — like marriage. We know they are powerful and deeply healthy. In the core of our being, that’s what we’re hungering for.
But on the surface, we pursue the cheap thrill instead. Because we want the path of least resistance. We want it to always be easy.
Or at least, I do. God help me.
“It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”C.S. Lewis
Yes, yes we are. That is who we are in our broken flesh.
Prais God that He pursues us anyways, even when we are looking for cheap thrills.
Praise God He offers us salvation and freedom from our broken desires and thoughts.
Thank God He invites us into the deepest and truest reality of all: Him.