Lord, help me to live in contentment while I’m in the waiting game.
It seems the slightest bit of uncertainty strikes a chord of anxiety in my heart. My mind races to figure everything out. To see all angles. To plan for every possibility.
Frankly, Lord, it’s exhausting.
So I want to do something different in this waiting-slash-unknown period.
I want to be content.
I want to live abundantly in the here and now.
I want to trust You down into the depths of my crazy, control-freak self.
Unfortunately, I don’t know how to do that.
My mind still races ahead of each moment. Thinking. Planning. Strategizing.
And no matter how often I drag my thoughts back to You and surrender each uncertain element, my thoughts are off to the races again before the prayer has even left my lips.
O God, thank You for loving me in the midst of this. Thank You that Your power is made perfect in my weakness.
But even so, Lord, I want the hum of my mind to stop.
I want the scheming and the planning to end.
And yet if I’m honest, I think what I really want is to not have to learn contentment in this season at all.
I’d rather have the waiting end.
I’d rather just have what I want, in all arenas of my life.
I’m sorry, Lord, that is so often the state in my heart.
Thank You that You can still use me anyway, in all of the moments when I’m falling short of that “contented-woman-who-never-worries-or-overthinks” ideal.
In fact, maybe moment-by-moment faithfulness (through the power of the Spirit) matters more than me than me “arriving” at a state of contentment.
I don’t really know, Lord, but I do know You are with me. Every day.
Teaching me one breath at a time what it means to be content in this moment, this period and this waiting game.
Lord, that is enough. More than enough. Even when it may not feel like enough.