I’m sorry.
I’m sorry for treating you so poorly. I’m sorry for all of the times I’ve berated you, abused you and all-around beaten you up with words.
I’m sorry for how wrongly I’ve viewed who you are and who you were created to be.
Forgive me for the wrongs I have done against you. Forgive me for the way I have wounded you and distorted my perspective of you in a way that was most certainly not of God.
Forgive me for, in my feelings of worthlessness, rebelling against my Savior.
For I see that each time I have abused you–either internally or externally–I told my Savior and God that He did not make a good creation when he made me. And for that, self, I am truly sorrowful.
You are not worthless. You are not a failure. You are not an inconvenience. You are not less-than.
Dear self, yes, you are a sinner. We both know that all too well. But you are a sinner that Jesus Christ bled and died for. You are a sinner who was loved enough by God to be redeemed by that precious blood. You are a sinner who was pursued by the love of God and preserved by the love of God.
And so, self, I am sorry for forgetting that. I am sorry for attaching your worth to the thoughts and words of others. I am sorry for living in a way that has undercut your worth on a daily basis. I am sorry because each time I have chosen to hurt myself, I have distorted the love I give to others and the love I have received from others.
I don’t want to be angry with you anymore.
No, I do not want to turn a blind eye to my weaknesses and my sin. What I do want, though, is to accept who you are in a more full way. For you, self, are who you were created to be. You are an intentional creation of God who was made specifically for this moment and this place and these people.
May God, in His mercy, help me to learn how to treat you better. May the diatribes within cease. May I see you honestly and unfiltered, and yet through the lens of the Holy Spirit, the same Spirit I utilize when I look at others.
Dear self, let us be reconciled to one another. May I learn to love you so I can love my neighbor as myself. May you no longer be a victim of myself. May you know your worth. And may it rest securely where it should: In His hands.
Unshaken Joy 